Slippery Pete's

I have often thought that the bathroom at ETC was one of the absolute
worst bathrooms I have ever seen. Completely covered in stainless
steel, it almost begged for you to pee just anywhere, knowing that
they were just gonna hose the whole place down later. Well, as ETC
became Slippery Pete's, I had hoped that the trans-Atlantic influence
would mean a change in the lavatory as well. I was wrong and the
bathroom remained slippery. No walls, no toilet paper, just a giant
room in which one could pee, with little difference between the urinal
and the floor. I'll look out into the bar through the tacky one-way
mirror with sadness as I use this 1/5 room.

Iowa River Power Company

Perhaps it was by chance or perhaps it was by providence that I found
myself in this stall Friday night at the Iowa River Power Company
restaurant. The scribbling on the wall, obviously the work of a
labored hand, told me to pray and it seemed likely that the last
occupant had been attempting to communicate with his deity as he
fought with what he had left in the bowl for me to find. I had just
finished my meal, so my appetite was not put off by this foul
revelation, but I wondered if this encounter might be prophetic. Was I
to be plagued as well this night? I still wait for answers, but I
think it's safe to say that the pilgrimmage to this 1/5 bathroom was
less than divine.

El Bandito's

How do you say harrowing en español? Well, whatever it is, that is how I would describe this bathroom. I was told I would have to go through the construction, the desecrated corpse of Paul Revere, to find the bathroom, but when I stuck my head through the door to make my way, I saw no obvious path to the bathroom. I peeked around with a paranoid eye when a man who looked very close to what I would imagine a bandito to look like peered around the corner, saying nothing, and offering nothing but a suspicious eye. He disappeared as quickly as he arrived, and I investigated the hallway he had seemingly manifested. I walked slowly, for what felt like miles, wondering how many twists and turns it would take to find the men's room. The jewel at the end of the journey was this. Filthy, frightening, yet functional, the bathroom offered a work sink and a sink for washing hands, I presume. Buckets of "cleaning" supplies. I was almost too afraid to even use the room once I had found it. It was certainly an adventure, but not the good kind. It was more the 1/5 kind. 

Joe's Place

I know what you're thinking. The camera puts on ten pounds of filth.
Well, that may or may not be true, but the bathroom at Joe's Place is
probably one of the worst in town. Filled with incomprehensible
graffiti (what's the point?) and a smell to match, you don't even get
the place to yourself, as other patrons butt past you to use the
urinals. More evidence here of Iowa City's bathroom inequality, if Joe
needs to have an extended stay in the bathroom, this is obviously not
the place, if you know what I mean. Oh, and the location is bad. Say
it ain't so, Joe, you're getting a 1/5.

Blue Moose Taphouse

Slaughterhouse chic? Perhaps that was the goal, but the bathroom at
the Blue Moose Taphouse may be one of the worst I've ever used. The
urinals, if you can call them that, maintain the steel look of the
rest of the room, and offer literally no privacy. Two things that
aren't visible in this picture are the smell and the tacky beer
posters featuring half-naked shills, both of which were overwhelming.
With no redeeming qualities, other than the actual presence of toilet
paper (a rarity in bar bathrooms for men), I have to give this
bathroom a 1/5.