Derek and Ashley's Apartment

Messy? If most bathrooms were half as "messy" as this, this blog would
be a glowing gusher of love for the places to go in Iowa City. I was
awash in yellow cuteness as soon as I entered. Candles were present
and lit, offering pleasent visual and olfactory stimulation. The
design was consistent and delightful and I don't think I've seen a
bathroom as clean anywhere. The humility of the owners in the face of
an obvious 5/5 experience floors me.

Shorts Burgers and Shine

The old-fashioned styling is definitely appreciated, but the colors in
this room made it particularly hard to photograph, especially with the
limited control I have, using my phone. I locked the door as I made
several attempts to get a good shot, and someone tried to enter. I
tried to decide if I would be more or less embarrased to only be
taking pictures. Still not sure. My bathroom experiences are becoming
quite different than that of a non-blogging user. Should I ignore that
aspect of my time in there and stick to the basics? Probably. If so,
this bathroom is quite nice, stylish, and has all the charm of a retro
bathroom with all of the modern conveniences one might expect. Other
than my photographic problems, this was 4/5 experience.

Wildwood

Slow rides for the girls, fast for the dudes. The man controlling the
bull lets the girls gyrate on the mechanized animal for much longer
than their 8 seconds, but no one seems to mind. I wonder if he knows a
specific set of moves to make a girl's belly knotted plaid shirt pop
open. Yee haw, everyone would say! A ride on the beast cost more than
a beer or a burger and didn't last nearly as long on either count. The
bathroom, however was only slightly above the norm for an Iowa City
bar, but not by much. Wildwood won't be bucking off the average score
of 3/5 anytime soon.

Seamens Center

Responsibility. When a bathroom offers you a faucet with the handles
you turn, they are trusting you to turn the water off when you leave.
Are you deserving of that trust? Are you? An otherwise average (maybe
even below) bathroom, I give this bathroom a 3/5 for allowing me to
show the strength of my moral fiber.

Coral Ridge Marcus Theater

Movie theater bathrooms are unique in that men universally are trying
to get in, pee, and get out as quickly as possible, even quicker than
usual. With how indiscriminate one could be when going in such a rush, it is an absolute wonder to me that rooms I would expect to be dripping are usually quite clean! If only there were a superfast way for men to pee, faster than anything, like a vacuum tube that meets
you at the theater door. I never go during the movie. I usually go
once before and once during the trailers, I get nervous that I'll feel
like I have to go the whole movie. Is that crazy? Well, for 10 bucks a
ticket, I kind of expect more than a 3/5 experience, but until they
come up with something like the PeeBot, it will keep that B-rating.

Zio Johno's / Pancheros

What happened? I was eating lunch at Zio Johno's and I went into the bathroom. I exited quickly after an average experience to find myself in Pancheros! Had I stepped through a portal to a parallel dimension? Was I unstuck in time and space? No, the two restaurants share this bathroom, and I had wandered through the wrong door. Too bad, a 4th dimensional trip would've raised the rating on this above a 2/5.

Village Inn

My favorite thing about the Village Inn is the interior design, which I believe is fairly new. The bright oranges, soothing teals, and earthy browns evoke a retro style, but with an eye towards the future. This pallete is also used in the bathroom. When you enter, you may
wonder where the urinal is, but it actually gets a stall-like
treatment, with full walls on either side! With this room offering
more style and privacy than most bathrooms in town, I'll use the free
wi-fi to give this bathroom a strong 4/5.

Joe's Place

I know what you're thinking. The camera puts on ten pounds of filth.
Well, that may or may not be true, but the bathroom at Joe's Place is
probably one of the worst in town. Filled with incomprehensible
graffiti (what's the point?) and a smell to match, you don't even get
the place to yourself, as other patrons butt past you to use the
urinals. More evidence here of Iowa City's bathroom inequality, if Joe
needs to have an extended stay in the bathroom, this is obviously not
the place, if you know what I mean. Oh, and the location is bad. Say
it ain't so, Joe, you're getting a 1/5.

The Mill

Red! Red is the color of the walls. Also the color of my face if I try
to use this room with another person. That is probably the most
pathetic privacy wall I have ever seen. I do like the color, but the
place is so unclean and the urinals hardly work, which is amazing
because all a urinal has to do to function is flush. They aren't
completely unusable, however, and I was able to go, so I will rate
this a barely adequate 2/5.

Jean Lloyd Jones' House

A beautiful home and a beautiful bathroom. Being at Jean's house made me think about what I might want in a dream home and this bathroom was no exception. A smart and simple design, featuring Kohler fixtures, this bathroom was elegant without being ostentatious and had hints of the Japanese styling present in the rest of the house. I hope to have a 5/5 bathroom like this someday.

Taco Bell

This was actually a really nice Taco Bell, so I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised that the bathroom was nice too, but still, I was
surprised! Clean, warm, and comfortable, this 4/5 will be the bathroom I compare all fastfood bathrooms to.

Menards

I was walking into Studio Arts soon after it opened and a man pulled
up, rolled his window down, and asked me, "Does Menards not exist
anymore"? Well, it does and you can pee there. It's kind of nice to be
able to look at ads while you're there, but this was the only place I
saw the ads, and I didn't exactly want to hang around for light
reading. I was kind of occupied. Nothing else really stood out, but I
guess I was distracted. The price on hand drills gets a 5/5, but the bathroom gets a 3/5.

Thai Flavors

I try not to compare bathrooms, necessarily, I don't use an ordinal
scale, but the bathroom at Taco Bell was a million times nicer than
this. It seems that bad bathrooms are kind of typical for Asian
restaurants, or is that just me? I'm glad to see that they do have
cleaning products, but they shouldn't be strewn about the room amongst trash. Anyways, I won't hold this against Thai Flavors too much, but my love for their curry still won't push my rating above a 2/5.

BS Gallery

I'm a non-practicing Jew, so I don't often find myself surrounded by images of Jesus, but it was oddly comforting. An average bathroom made much more interesting by a chorus of Christ, it also smelled awesome due to burning incense and candles. I review bathroom experiences, not just bathrooms, and this was a 5/5 experience.

Colonial Lanes

Some of the most interesting bathrooms I've been in were at bowling
alleys. Not always the cleanest, but usually pretty interesting. Well,
I can't complain that it looks and smelt like a locker room, because
it literally is a locker room. The urinals had no privacy and the
locks were gone on the stall doors, such that you could peek through.
I did. I left without going, but I could have, so I guess I have to rate it a 2/5.